The Sound You Hear Is That of Freddie Mercury Spinning in His Grave

Next week on American Idol, the contestants try their hands at completely butchering the songs of Queen, one of the greatest rock bands of all time. Holy mother of god, I can see that 60 minute train wreck approaching right now. How much do you want to bet that Ace (the contestant who most makes my skin crawl) attempts to take on “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Chris does what amounts to Creed’s reinterpretation of “Tie Your Mother Down”?

Actually, I am betting that Chris is the only one of the bunch who will have ever even heard of Queen beyond the ridiculously overplayed sporting event anthem “We Are the Champions/We Will Rock You” and an eight-minute, mini-rock opera that was released before any of them were even born (with the possible exception of Taylor, who I suspect is actually in his 40s) and brought in to contemporary pop culture consciousness by its inclusion on the soundtrack of Wayne’s World.

Just for shits and giggles, here’s my fantasy Queen playlist as I’d hope to hear the show go down:

Chris: “I’m In Love With My Car”

Taylor: “Good Company”

Ace: “The Night Comes Down”

Elliott: “Bring Back That Leroy Brown”

Bucky: “Stormtrooper In Stilettos”

Paris: “Killer Queen”

Katherine: “You’re My Best Friend”

Kellie: “Fat Bottomed Girls”

Personally, I can’t wait for next Tuesday.