Do you know about this website, Chuck Norris Facts? It is the most hilarious thing. One of my co-workers turned me on to the site today after I asked him why a bunch of perplexing oneliners about Chuck Norris and the World of High Finance included in an email making the rounds here in the office were even funny. Then he sent me a bunch of links to Wikipedia and shit to explain it to me. Because apparently I am “Out of the Loop” on this.
Here are some examples of Chuck Norris Facts:
1. Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
2. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
3. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
5. There is no chin under Chuck Norris’ Beard. There is only another fist.
6. Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
7. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
8. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
9. Chuck Norris is my Homeboy.
10. Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING
As a general rule, I think Chuck Norris is a big douche, and maybe I’m easily amused, but most of those “facts” are fucking funny.