“The Cuteness…”

Like me, you probably have a Mom, a friend or a co-worker (or if you are very unlucky, all three) that habitually forwards you emails clogged with pictures of kittens, puppies or other animals making faces or doing similarly “cute” things. Ah, the cuteness. Half the Internets are taken up with photos and videos of the CUTEST. ANIMALS. EVER. Fuck You, Penguin takes a long, hard look at superadorable puppies, monkeys, birds and moose – and tells them, in no uncertain terms, to get fucked. Needless to say, it is my new favorite website.

What offenses have these very cute animals committed? Camels are “played out.” Ponies “try too hard,” dolphins are “smug little shits” and that “duck-billed asshole,” the platypus, is so weird that people can’t even agree on the plural form of its name. (“That’s because if you see two of these animals together, the fabric of space and time will literally tear apart.”) As for penguins, well, they’re simply too adorable to bear. Two of my favorite recent posts are “Petting Zoo Goats Are Like Stuck-Up Celebrities With Horns” and “Swans are Nature’s Porsche Drivers.” Oh, and this one about Sloths is pretty good, too. Have a look. You know you want to.