Best Cover Letter for a Writing Job. Ever.

Dear Editor,

I have always wanted to work for someone young enough to be my kid.
Now’s my chance. I did this already for some nit-wit at **** ****
Magazine, but I figure you at least know who The Beatles are, so I might
have a better shot here. And your Twitter posts indicate that you do
enjoy an adult beverage now and then, so if nothing else, we can get
smashed together. So just hire me. I really hate it here.

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