Walk or Mooove The Fuck Over

Escalators are stairs. Do your leg muscles cease to function because the steps move mechanically? If the escalator were to stop, would you be trapped half-way? The purpose of an escalator is to move you up or down from one level to another twice as fast as…well, taking the stairs, you dork. If you can make it down stairs on your own, you have NO EXCUSE for standing on the escalator and blocking everyone who is trying to catch their subway train or flee mall security. There should be signs on escalators demanding that people respect the global custom of keeping slow traffic to the right (i.e. stand on the right, walk on the left, you inconsiderate, lethargic slug) so that people who need to get somewhere can walk past you and be on their way.

What also bugs me are folks who block the entire escalator by insisting on carrying on a conversation while riding up or down. If you MUST talk to your companion as you STAND on the escalator please, for the love of humanity, stand behind or in front of him or her instead of at their side. If you’re too lazy to walk, take the elevator. Better yet, stay home because leaving the house is probably way too much exercise for you.