Top Ten Positive Side Effects of Soaring Gas Prices!

High Gas Prices

I think the happiest moment of my life so far happened when I moved to New York City in 1988. Not just because NYC is the Center of the Universe – and that’s where I want to be – but because moving from Southern California meant I could sell my piece of shit car and never drive again! Hurray! But even though I’ve long gone the way of the mass transit whore and my monthly commute is only $83, I’m not really able to enjoy a good, old-fashioned gloating fest. Because when oil prices go up, everything goes to shit. But I like to think positively and look on the bright side of every crappy situation, so I’ve come up with some benefits of high gas prices for your amusement and edification!

  1. Less car exhaust spewing into the air means lower pollution and a cleaner planet!
  2. Reduced noise from honking horns and dicks that think it’s cool to disturb my quality of life by drag racing up and down 14th street!
  3. Encourages eliminating our dependence on fossil fuels and the development of alternative, non-polluting fuel sources!
  4. Easier to find parking on the street!
  5. Fewer cars on the road mean fewer traffic accident-related deaths!
  6. Less Road Rage!
  7. More walking or bike riding means people are exercising and getting healthier!
  8. Since it’s too expensive to drive anywhere, people say home and enjoy quality time with loved ones.
  9. Voters who were lame enough to vote for George Bush – because let’s face it, his regime is responsible for this mess – get to suffer along with the rest of us freethinking liberals!
  10. More disgruntled conservatives who have to cut back on driving their gas guzzling urban assault vehicles leads to better chance of electing President Obama in 2008! YAY!