On occasion, there will be an article in the paper or on the web about a person who inadvertently falls down an open manhole or (and this is especially fun if there is Video Documentation) trips and stumbles into a fountain in the middle of a busy shopping mall, because he or she is so enraptured with gazing dreamily at his or her smart phone that they forget to watch where they are going. Hilarious! When I read these articles or see these videos, I am filled with an overwhelming feeling of schadenfreude. Because it is my pleasure to see you injured because you are too brain dead to put your phone down and pay attention to where you’re walking.
Just this past weekend, I was exiting the L Train at 14th street and First Avenue when a women ascending the stairs in front of me decided that the smartest choice to make at the moment was open her phone and hold everyone up so she could check her FaceBook/ Texts/ Instagram/ Twitter/ Email before she got above ground, instead of making it her priority to get the fuck out of the subway, like a normal person. While I’ll admit to entertaining brief fantasies of her tripping and smashing her stupid face on the concrete, as I stepped over her fallen body while she spit out mouthfuls of blood and teeth, that didn’t happen. And that’s probably fortunate, because it would have been a real tragedy if she had taken out an innocent bystander on her way to the ground.