Tag Archives: lists

Gail’s Top Ten CDs of 2006!

Year End Top Ten
Like, Better late than never, right?

Top CDs of 2006, According to Me!

Black Stone Cherry Debut CD
#10. Black Stone Cherry

Initially, I was very resistant to the idea of Kentucky-based, Southern Rock Revivalists, Black Stone Cherry for two sharply pointed reasons. One being that unless a “Southern Rock” band is going to improve on Molly Hatchet’s “Flirting With Disaster” or Greg Allman’s “I’m No Angel,” why even bother? The other being that 99% of modern hard rock sounds like ass. But Black Stone Cherry come on like Soundgarden-meets-The Allman Brothers. My god, what a much needed gasp of fresh air in the vacuum! Not to mention, but you can see I am about to, their drummer, John Fred Young (check out the guy on the far left with that crazy mane of dark curly hair) is what we used to call in my day a stone solid fox. And having a little eye candy in the band never hurts.

Little Answers Earlymay
#9. Little Answers, Earlymay

Remember back when music that passed for adult contemporary rock actually had balls? Neither do I. But if I were programming the Adult Contemporary format at radio today I’d scrap the Kelly Clarkson and Michael Bolton and flood it with songs by amazing bands like The Verve Pipe and Earlymay. Little Answers comes highly recommended if you like U2 but wish Bono would just get over himself already.

Richard Butler Cover Art
#8. Richard Butler

I wasn’t much of a fan of LoveSpitLove, former Psychedelic Furs frontman Richard Butler’s first post-Furs outting. But on Butler’s sublime debut solo excursion, he won me over with moody, soporific songs that sound like they were written by a less acid-damaged version of Julian Cope rather than a guy who was once married to notorious groupie Bebe Buell for about fifteen minutes. Downside: Abysmal cover art that makes him look like he has the plague, or something worse.

Blank Stares CR Cover
#7. All Blown Up, The Blank Stares

The Blank Stares are a band from San Francisco who contacted me through Myspace and asked if they could send me their CD. Now, I don’t want all you independent, undiscovered, unsigned, un-good bands out there to get any ideas, but if your shit sounds like The Beatles, feel free to look me up.

Hot One Cover Art
#6. Hot One

A Power-Quarter based in NYC that also features rock chick bass legend Emm Gryner, Hot One “observes the tradition of rock and roll as a medium for social protest, a la the Clash, Public Enemy, Psychic TV, Woody Guthrie, Minor Threat, the MC5.” I took that statement off their Myspace page. I love Hot One’s sexy glam rock/power pop amalgam (favorite cut, “Sexy Soldier”), but I also dig that they throw in a little George Bush hating on the side.

\Scott Reeder
#5. Tunnel Vision Brilliance, Scott Reeder

Is there a serious metal head alive who doesn’t/didn’t worship Kyuss? Because if there is I want to know who they are so I beat their faces in. Former Kyuss bassist Scott Reeder is a fucking genius for making the best Pink Floyd album since Wish You Were Here. Heavy Mettle indeed.

Advantage Elf Titled
#4. Elf Titled, The Advantage

Six Words: “Nintendo Game Theme Song Cover Band.” Nothing more needs to be said. This CD is brilliant from start to finish. And I’ve never played Nintendo in my life.

Crash Kelly
#3. Electric Satisfaction, Crash Kelly

Canadian Rockers Crash Kelly excell at producing stellar Modern Glam Trash for people like me who go out of their way to live in the past.

YEAH-Def_Leppard
#2. Yeah!, Def Leppard

Seriously, how can you possibly go wrong if you’re already Def Leppard — who are, without a doubt, a genius band — and you decide to make an album of covers that includes Badfinger’s “No Matter What” and Mott The Hoople’s “Golden Age of Rock & Roll”? How can you go wrong, I ask yez?

Sloan Never Hear The End of It
#1. Never Hear The End of It, Sloan

I have to thank n=my buddy Frank Griggs for sending me this Sloan album on the fly when he was doing their publicity last fall, because otherwise I never would have heard the BEST ALBUM OF 2006! No amount of clever compound adjectives can fully describe how awesome this CD is. Those tasteless dicks over at Rolling Stone only gave Never Hear The End Of It three-out-of-five stars, but here’s their review:

“For more than a decade, Sloan have been big in their native Canada without even reaching Guided by Voices-level fame stateside. With thirty, count-’em, thirty songs (several of which bleed together and clock in under two minutes), their eighth studio album is a power-pop record that flows like the Minutemen’s Double Nickels on the Dime — but with glam rock and acoustic balladry in the mix.”

So just go out and buy it already.

Honorable Mention

These are some genius discs that didn’t quite make into the Top Ten, mostly because I could only fit ten selections into a list of ten. Logistics, you know.

1. Benevento Russo Duo, Play, Pause, Stop
2. Dirty Royals, Obsessed America EP
3. David Gilmour, On An Island
4. Ambulance, New English EP
5. Gosling, Here Is…
6. Hellacopters, Rock & Roll is Dead
7. American Hearthbreak
8. Barrett Martin, Earthspeaker
9. Wired All Wrong, Break Out The Battle Tapes

10. (Guilty Pleasure) Taylor Hicks
Don’t even start with me on this one. I may be a self-confessed huge fan of American Idol, but nobody was more surprised than me when I fell in love with former spazz Taylor Hick’s fake Elvis swagger and his “Takin’ It To The Streets” mock-soul funk. This album is probably the best piece of commercial “product” that the big corporate machine has crapped out since I even listened to mainstream pop radio. And thank god someone got him to dye his hair.

Why It’s Taking So Long for GNR to Release Chinese Democracy

Guns N Roses Album Delay

From The Onion, of course.

George Carlin’s New Rules For 2006

george carlin commemorative collection album cover
Image Source

A friend just emailed me this and it’s so funny (and true) that I had to share.

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
Continue reading George Carlin’s New Rules For 2006

Gail’s Top Ten CDs of 2005!

Top Ten

As a special New Year’s treat, here’s a preview of my Top Ten Favorite CDs of the year, to be elaborated on in my upcoming 2005 Year End Rewind! Enjoy!

Crash Kelly Penny Pills

1. Crash Kelly, Penny Pills (Liquor & Poker)

When I got the advance of this album last winter, I predicted that Penny Pills would be my favorite CD of the year 2006 and, no surprise here, I was right. Embracing a full-on 70s sensibility of Alice Cooper’s School’s Out and T Rex at its most glam, Penny Pills is the only drug you need.

Lake Trout
2. Lake Trout, Not Them, You (PALM)

Baltimore’s Lake Trout bring us acid rock for the aughts and are one of the best live bands around. Continue reading Gail’s Top Ten CDs of 2005!

50 Ways To Annoy A Metalhead

Metalhead Guy
1. Tell them every metal band worships the devil.
2. Ask if all black metal bands are trying to copy KISS or just most of them.
3. Hide their joint under their library card.
4. Ask if they know of any other cool bands like Slipknot.
5. If they’re listening to metal, tell them it sounds like some mainstream band. Doesn’t matter who.
6. Say it’s all a ripoff of Iron Butterfly anyway.
7. Ask if they’ve given their souls to Jesus yet.
8. Vaguely imply that you’re gay and would like their company for the evening.
9. Record over their Cannibal Corpse albums with other Cannibal Corpse albums and see if they ever notice the difference.
10. Refuse to accept their fake I.D.
11. Ask how much Dio got paid for his role as Stuart Little.
12. Use the phrase “cookie monster vocals” and act like it’s the funniest, most original thing you’ve ever come up with.
13. If they’re listening to metal, tell them “These guys don’t have talent. Now (insert any mainstream band here), those guys have talent!”
14. Say “What is vinyl?”
15. Point out how homosexual Manowar is. If they agree, tell them the only thing more homosexual is Black Sabbath with Dio.
16. Tell them it all sounds the same.
17. Admit that Cliff Burton was a dirty hippy who had already peaked musically.
18. If they say they love 80s metal, ask them what ever happened to Poison.
19. Tell them you like underground music too, like (insert the newest overhyped fashionable loud-ish band from the radio)
20. Point out that Tarja from Nightwish can’t sing.
21. Insist that Emperor videos would be better if they used a dance troupe.
22. Ask if Mayhem is Marilyn Manson’s band.
23. Divert their CD shipments to the local Jewish community center.
24. Write “God Loves You” on their Venom backpatch.
25. Point out that just about every genre of music has an underground with bands who have integrity, so metal really isn’t that unique.
26. Post under their nickname on a power metal board and say Ray Alder shits all over John Arch.
27. Take out the Iron Maiden disc and put in 50 Cent.
28. Give them a spiky pop-punk haircut while they sleep.
29. Pronounce “Celtic Frost” correctly.
30. If they’re over 25, say that people can still rock even if they have an unplanned child or two and drive a grocery getter. Then point and laugh.
31. Tell them you’re not hiring and to try the other Cinnabon down the street.
32. Sit quietly and applaud politely at a metal show.
33. Make them be sober for five whole seconds.
34. Ask if Randy Rhoads was on the same flight as John Denver.
35. Tell them Korn brought metal back to life in the 90s.
36. Turn the bass way up on their stereo.
37. Laugh at Slayer for stealing their name from the Buffy show.
38. Call Doro fat.
39. Call them on their horrible grammar and/or spelling.
40. Remind them that metal is partially derived from the blues. Then accuse them of being wiggers.
41. Use the phrase “balls in a vice” at least three times when talking about classic metal and/or power metal vocalists.
42. If it’s a guy with long hair, address him as if he were female. Don’t correct yourself about it.
43 .Be impressed with how much RoadRunner Records has improved over the past ten years.
44. Say you love Metallica’s debut, The Black Album.
45. Notice that Lemmy hasn’t moved his left hand in 30 years of playing bass.
46. Refer to metal as “that kill-your-father rape-your-mother stuff.”
47. Ask them if their favorite band is so good, how come nobody has ever heard of them.
48. Pine for the good old days when “Pour Some Sugar On Me” was a big hit.
49. Tell them you used to be a metalhead, but grew out of it when you started listening to more intellectual stuff like (insert any band at all here)
50. Post a list of “Ways To Annoy Metal Fans” knowing full well that so many of them internalize everything and can’t take a joke.

Save

Save