It was only a matter of time, really.
Nothing bores me more than celebrity news, except maybe celebrity news repeated ad nauseam about rich and famous idiots who enthusiastically clamor for attention by aggressively making a big, steaming shit heap of their otherwise charmed, perfect lives. Yawn City. I wish I had their problems. But today I read this story about Detroit Radio Station 95.5-FM’s Britney Death Watch Contest, and that really caught my interest. Not only because it is extremely politically incorrect – which I am all about – but because mean-spirited, gonzo parody is the way that all celebrity meltdowns need to be treated. No quarter given.
I’ve never wanted to waste space blogging about Britney Spears’ rapidly accelerating, self-initiated downward spiral because, honestly, who gives a shit? Britney’s life sucks because she wants it that way. It was already common knowledge that Brit is about a smart as a box of rocks, with the smart rocks taken out, when she married a white trash moron who only wanted her money. Then she pretty much bought a one-way ticket to Suckville by making bad decision after bad decision. Cry me a fucking river. It’s not like she’s battling cancer or one of her kids is in a coma. She’s unhappy because making a laughingstock of herself is (like you haven’t already figured this out) what she does for a living these days. Ignore Britney, stop putting her sad likeness on TV and quit covering her latest drunken, pantyless binge in the tabloids and she’ll head to rehab to dry out in two seconds. I’d bet my life on it.