If you’ve ever walked past your bookshelf and felt, just felt, that your bobblehead was giving you the side-eye, you’re not paranoid — you’re perceptive. In her hilarious new release, Tchotchkes and Their F*cked-Up Thoughts (The Collective Book Studio, $15.95), Elisabeth Saake confirms what many of us suspected all along: our collectibles have opinions, and most of them are deeply unhinged.
Following up on the success of her equally deranged debut, Houseplants and Their F*cked-Up Thoughts, Saake now dives headfirst into the crowded curio cabinet of the human psyche—disguised as a rubber chicken, a ceramic clown, or a suspiciously smug souvenir snow globe from Reno. Through laugh-out-loud text and vivid illustrations, she introduces us to over 50 tchotchkes, each with its own chaotic internal monologue. Spoiler alert: they are not okay.
There’s the vintage salt shaker that resents being “just for show,” the cat figurine silently plotting a shelf-wide coup, and the Elvis bust that’s equal parts delusional and greasy. Every page is a masterclass in anthropomorphic dysfunction, perfect for fans of dark humor, existential absurdity, or anyone who’s ever questioned the moral compass of a Precious Moments doll.
This book doesn’t just make you laugh, it makes you look — really look — at your knickknacks. That little porcelain angel on your mantle? She’s probably judging your takeout habits and writing passive-aggressive haikus about your life choices.
Saake’s voice is sharp, snarky, and strangely empathetic, giving each tchotchke a disturbingly relatable interior world. After all, aren’t we all just dusty curios on someone’s shelf, quietly falling apart while trying to look cute?
Perfect for gifting, re-gifting, or leaving casually on your coffee table to start awkward conversations, Tchotchkes and Their F*cked-Up Thoughts is the kind of book that turns casual readers into obsessive show-and-tellers. You’ll want to read excerpts aloud at parties (or at least to your refrigerator magnets).
Final verdict? Five out of five passive-aggressive porcelain frogs. Pick this one up and prepare to never look at your clutter the same way again. Purchase from Amazon in time for Mother’s Day at This Link.