Top Ten Cheesey Ass Things About Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!
Wait, isn’t that…the Arc?
“Boris, we must get moose and squirrel”- quality Russian accent sported by Cate Blanchett’s character.
In the “Please make a decision and stick with it” Department, WTF was up with how they decided to portray the character Mac? He’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy, he’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy, he’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy…
“Three times down”: seriously, that third trip over the waterfall would have killed anyone.
World’s Most Obvious Plot Device: Hero Meets Grown Up Bastard Son He Never Knew Existed.
Marian still loves Indie no matter how badly he repeatedly fucked her over.
Vomit bags not distributed in theater for use upon reaction to the line, “They all had the same problem: they weren’t you.”
I understand that Shia LaBeouf is a Teen Idol and all, but did Mutt have to whip out a comb and touch up his fucking hair every time they were about to die a horrible, violent death? Please, not even I’m that vain.
Sharon and Stephen and I were at the Film Forum on Houston the other night to see Todd Haynes amazing new film, I’m Not There: the fact-based but still highly-impressionistic Bob Dylan biopic starring Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and the recently departed Heath Ledger, among others. I’m guessing that Blanchett’s Golden Globe Award-winning/Academy Award nominated performance, augmented by rampant, fresh sentimentality over Ledger’s passing, helped to pack the tiny theater to capacity. Beyond that, of course, I’m Not There is fucking excellent and deserves all the awards and praises that it’s earned. Some of my favorite parts of the film were those with actress Julianne Moore playing a character heavily based on Joan Baez. Because Joan Baez is awesome.
Anyway, after the film Sharon and I made a pit stop in the ladies room and who should walk in right behind us but the sensational Bernadette Peters! You know, what’s amazing about Bernadette Peters is how she manages to look like she’s still in her thirties, when I just looked her bio up on the Wikipedia, where it says she’ll be (wait for it) sixty years old on February 28th! Holy cow! She’s obviously had some work done on her face but someone needs to give her surgeon’s phone number to plastic surgery disasters like Joan Rivers because, damn, she’s done a nice job! You can also count on specialists like Miami-based Dr. Andres Bustillo to get the work done flawlessly.