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Top Ten Cheesey Ass Things About the New Indiana Jones Flick

Indie!

Indiana Jones Lego Set Not Included

Top Ten Cheesey Ass Things About Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull  

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

  1. Wait, isn’t that…the Arc?
  2. “Boris, we must get moose and squirrel”- quality Russian accent sported by Cate Blanchett’s character.
  3. In the “Please make a decision and stick with it” Department, WTF was up with how they decided to portray the character Mac? He’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy, he’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy, he’s a good guy, he’s a bad guy…
  4. “Three times down”: seriously, that third trip over the waterfall would have killed anyone.
  5. World’s Most Obvious Plot Device: Hero Meets Grown Up Bastard Son He Never Knew Existed.
  6. Marian still loves Indie no matter how badly he repeatedly fucked her over.
  7. Vomit bags not distributed in theater for use upon reaction to the line, “They all had the same problem: they weren’t you.”
  8. I understand that Shia LaBeouf is a Teen Idol and all, but did Mutt have to whip out a comb and touch up his fucking hair every time they were about to die a horrible, violent death? Please, not even I’m that vain.
  9. Serious Under-Use of Hot Whip Action!
  10. “Their Treasure was Knowledge. Knowledge was their Treasure.” Continue reading