The Stuff That Nightmares Are Made Of

When you plan a trip to your local movie theater, do you secretly wish to find an arty, foreign language film that manages to combine elements of Through The Looking Glass with Saw, while also giving you a Reader’s Digest condensed peek at life in rural Spain during Franco’s fascist regime? If so, I’m happy to tell you that all of your cinematic fantasies have come true with a film I just saw yesterday call Pan’s Labyrinth. This movie may be about the dark, reality-blurring adventures of a lonely, freaked-out ten year old girl named Ofelia but, trust me, it’s not for children. Unless you’re one of those deranged parents who think it’s appropriate to take your eight year old to see Hostel, in which case, pack up the whole brood!

When you see this Dude, Get Ready for Some Fucked Up Shit to Go Down

My favorite part of Pan’s Labyrinth was when Ofelia drew a door on her bedroom wall with some chalk and pushed her way through to the banquet room of The Pale Man, who she has to sneak by in order to steal, I don’t know, some kind of thing that’s behind a locked compartment. Honestly, I wasn’t paying that close of attention. I was too absorbed in trying to figure out what the fuck was up with this naked, fleshy creature seated before a huge, sumptuous feast with his eyeballs on a plate in front of him. Hardcore!

Pan’s Labyrinth is directed by Guillermo Del Toro, the same guy who did cool films like HellBoy and Chronos, so if you liked those films go see it and then write me an email and let me know how much you think it rocked.