“Madonna in 2009 looks like a leather sack stretched tightly over a homemade sculpture of a Velociraptor made out of broken sticks, chicken bones and Terminator parts. But this was not always the case! She used to be a human woman, with soft skin and actual hair and a face and everything. Those days, of course, are long gone; drifting into the thick, smoky haze rising off of the clay pot where she mixed the bat wings and the blood of the innocent in her cursed spell of everlasting life. But you can still catch a glimpse of her, the Madonna that was, in movies like Desperately Seeking Susan. So young! So bad at acting! So what! It’s just nice to be reminded that there was a human being under the exoskeleton of desperation and Skynet Patented Real-Flesh Organic Compound. Even monsters used to have dreams!”
From Gabe’s weekly column over at Video Gum Dot Com: The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time, which I read religiously.