Listed here in descending order of grievous offense:
10. Baseball Caps worn indoors or at any time other than winter (for warmth) or summer (for sun protection). Hiding your bald spot with a hat suggests that perhaps you need to work on your self esteem problems. Just saying.
9. Visible Panty Lines (aka VPL). God made thongs for a reason.
8. Wearing Shoes without Socks. This is a great way to get some impressive and painful blisters, to share your smelly feet with others and also encourage a staph infection (just ask punk rock legend Mike Watt, who almost died from one).
7. Crocs worn in public. No further commentary is necessary.
He’s Still Here
6. Long Beards. A Beard is a fashion statement that loudly proclaims, “I Have Something to Hide!”
Behold: The Triumvirate of Douche
5. Sunglasses worn at night or indoors. Unless you are blind or suffer from an eye disease, wearing sunglasses indoors or at night indicates that you are first-class hipster tool. Thank you for making yourself so easily identifiable!
4. Tube Tops. I really hate Tube Tops. They look like hell on almost everyone.
“Hi, I’m Homeless!”
3. Skirts worn over Jeans. Holy cut-offs, Batman, what an awkward, ill-advised look. WTF is up with that? I don’t see this puzzling choice for covering the lower half of the body so much lately (though it was all over the street a couple of years ago) which means it must have, mercifully, gone out of fashion.
“I have no class”
2. Incompatible bra style for a top. Ladies, trust me: no one wants to see your bra straps. Virtually all bra manufacturers make a t-back style bra meant to be worn with a t-back top. Invest $25 in your wardrobe and eliminate the ghetto bra look forever!
“Lookin’ Like a Fool…”
1. Pants belted below the ass – the ultimate statement in fashion retardation! I am told that wearing your pants in this style emulates incarcerated individuals who are no longer allowed to own a belt. Wow, talk about being misguided when it comes to choosing your role models – let alone fashion icons! I say if a guy wants to emulate prisoners so badly, why not just make it illegal to wear your pants below your ass and throw these clowns in prison where they obviously want to be anyway? Win win!
Coming Soon: Top Ten Things You Do On The Bus That Make Me Want to Smash You In The Face