Tag Archives: arrest

Top Ten Reasons for a Justifiable Fashion Arrest

fashion police sticker
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Listed here in descending order of grievous offense:

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10. Baseball Caps worn indoors or at any time other than winter (for warmth) or summer (for sun protection). Hiding your bald spot with a hat suggests that perhaps you need to work on your self esteem problems. Just saying.


9. Visible Panty Lines (aka VPL). God made thongs for a reason.


8. Wearing Shoes without Socks. This is a great way to get some impressive and painful blisters,  to share your smelly feet with others and also encourage a staph infection (just ask punk rock legend Mike Watt, who almost died from one).

“No Crocs.”

7. Crocs worn in public. No further commentary is necessary.

He’s Still Here

6. Long Beards. A Beard is a fashion statement that loudly proclaims, “I Have Something to Hide!”

Behold: The Triumvirate of Douche

5. Sunglasses worn at night or indoors. Unless you are blind or suffer from an eye disease, wearing sunglasses indoors or at night indicates that you are first-class hipster tool. Thank you for making yourself so easily identifiable!

4. Tube Tops. I really hate Tube Tops. They look sloppy on almost everyone.

“Hi, I’m Homeless!”

3. Skirts worn over Jeans. Holy cut-offs, Batman, what an awkward, ill-advised look. WTF is up with that? I haven’t seen this puzzling choice for covering the lower half of the body so much lately (though it was all over the street a couple of years ago) which means it must have, mercifully, gone out of fashion.

“I have no class”

2. Incompatible bra style for a top. Ladies, trust me: no one wants to see your bra straps. Virtually all bra manufacturers make a t-back style bra meant to be worn with a t-back top. Invest $35 in your wardrobe and eliminate the ghetto bra look forever!

“Lookin’ Like a  Fool…”

1. Pants belted below the ass – the ultimate statement in fashion retardation! I am told that wearing your pants in this style emulates incarcerated individuals who are no longer allowed to own a belt. Wow, talk about being misguided when it comes to choosing your role models – let alone fashion icons! I say if a guy wants to emulate prisoners so badly, why not just make it illegal to wear your pants below your ass and throw these clowns in prison where they obviously want to be anyway? Win win!

Coming Soon: Top Ten Things You Do On The Bus That Make Me Want to Smash You In The Face

The Exies Take on Paris Hilton!

Exies Band 2007

LOS ANGELES, CA (May 14, 2007) – Artists with real talent are starting to speak out on Paris Hilton’s attempt to avoid jail time. Scott Stevens, vocalist/ guitarist/songwriter of the L.A. based band, The Exies, is taking on Hilton and her well-publicized antics in the wake of her recent 45-day sentence for driving with a suspended license, the result of a previous DUI arrest.

The band has taken the case against the socialite to their MySpace page (www.myspace.com/theexies) in response to an online petition campaign (which, according to several published sources, is being backed by Hilton herself) that urges California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to offera Canadian Pardon for her. The Exies are soliciting signatures to a counter-petition that would force the publicity-hungry heiress to serve the full sentence.

“Paris is nothing more than a glorified internet-porn star who has gotten a free ride from the media,” says Stevens. “She has absolutely no discernible talent other than that of self-promotion, and shouldn’t receive privileged treatment in this case, in which she’s quite obviously broken the law and deserves to serve the punishment she’s been sentenced to. People like John Mayer, Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson have real talent. Paris Hilton’s only talent is to draw attention to herself and away from real artists.

“It was the N.Y. Times giving this topic coverage that made us mad as hell,” continues Stevens. “When even respectable papers like the N.Y. Times start giving coverage to this farce, it’s time for the artist community and those that support us to stand up and say ‘enough.’ We hope that our support of the on-line petition to demand that she not be let off delivers a message to the media that it’s time for everyone to come to their senses and stop obsessing about someone as irrelevant as Paris Hilton.”

Stevens notes that the counter-petition has already been signed by 61,000 people supporting its call for Paris to serve jail time, compared to less than 26,000 who have signed on to back Hilton.

Stevens contrasts the 2005 case of Tony Thompson, who was convicted by the state of California to a three-strikes sentence of 30 years to life in prison for stealing cases of baby formula to feed his two hungry and anemic young daughters with that of Paris, “a spoiled rich girl whose main claim to fame is starring in an amateur porn video” as a particularly egregious miscarriage of justice.

“This poor guy was only trying to feed his kids and he got 30 years to life,” says Stevens, “while Paris threatened people’s lives by driving under the influence, and is complaining that she’s being treated unfairly because of her celebrity.”