Why I Would Want Miley Cyrus to Throw My Bachelorette Party

Miley Cyrus and Crew
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I think we can all agree that Miley Cyrus could throw the best, most phallic-inspired bachelorette party the world has ever seen.

The girl clearly knows how to party. The majority of her “makeover” since she started trying to shed her Disney image in 2008 has been based on over-the-top blowouts, crazy stage performances, scandalous outfits and tipsy nights out on the town. Combined together, all of these would make for one hell of a Henit.ie type of bachelorette party.

She’d obviously have no trouble bringing anything that resembled a penis, and I’m guessing she wouldn’t even have to visit a store. Throughout her Bangerz tour, some of Miley’s main props have included an anatomically correct sex doll and a 5-foot-long inflatable penis that she rides and rubs all over herself. And if her Twitter pictures are any indication, her collection of sex toys appears impressive. In that photo, it looks as if she’s holding an item called Belladonna’s Magic Hand, which Adam and Eve describes as being molded from the famous porn star’s hand with “life-like Sil-A-Gel material.” According to a reviewer here, it’s apparently also good for taking out intruders, which means Miley could be the muscle during your night on the town!

Miley Cyrus Tongue
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Some might think that she only acts like that while she’s on stage or in the public eye and wouldn’t be the same in person. Whether or not it’s an elaborate act to change her image, she’s obviously fully committed to and really enjoys playing the role no matter where she is. She’s even seen as the crazy party girl by others in the industry who would normally see right through such a publicity stunt.

A post on MTV from Jersey Shore star Snooki revealed that other celebrities don’t have much of a different perspective of her. When discussing what she would give out as Christmas presents last year, Snooki said, “I would get [Miley Cyrus] a lot of Christmas presents that involve vibrators and some sex toys and…really hot stripper outfits,” Snooks says in the clip. “Awww, she’s like a sexy guidette Christmas elf!”

Sexy Christmas elf or not, the girl has a flair for the phallus and partying. Made obvious by the birthday party she threw for ex-boyfriend Liam Hemsworth’s 2012, she even already knows where to get a penis cake in my favorite flavor. TMZ snapped pictures of her taking a bite out of the red velvet cake with chocolate frosting.

She also doesn’t seem to be the girl that gets too drunk and ruins the party for everyone else. In fact, she’d probably make sure others didn’t either. Jennifer Lawrence recounted a story in an interview on Late Night with Seth Myers about the time that she and Miley were both at SOMEONE’S Oscars after-party. Lawrence had too much to drink and ended up puking off the front porch. She said, “I was in such bad condition, and I look behind me while I’m puking, and Miley Cyrus is there like, ‘Get it together.’ ”

All this being said, I wouldn’t trust her standing next to me on my wedding day. She would probably try to lick the bouquet or something. But I sure as hell would be confident putting her in charge of a pre-wedding party. She’d probably come up with something more talked about than the wedding, and I’m sure it would be so epic that I wouldn’t mind a bit.

This has been a Guest Post

Furnished by Adam and Even

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