Tag Archive | Penis

Snow Art Safari: The Snow Penises

Snow Penis 2
All Photos By Gail

The Snow Penis: it is a Thing. When snow falls on a parked car in NYC, it is time for the juvenile male mind to draw a penis on said car. I was not exactly on the hunt for the elusive Snow Penis when I spotted these two prime examples — on East 6th Street and East 5th Street, respectively — but I did have my camera with me, so, I bagged them both!

Snow Penis 1

Added February 9th, 2017

Snow Penis
Spotted on 14th Street East of First Avenue

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A Critical Analysis of David Bowie’s Crotch Bulge in Labyrinth

David Bowie Labyrinth Costume
David Bowie’s Goblin King Costume, Wig and Props from Labyrinth (Photographed By Gail at Seattle’s EMP)

All of this very sad David Bowie news is the only thing that is making people click on links this week, it seems, and we are all in need of a serious laugh, as a respite from our endless weeping. So, here you go, just in case you missed this brilliant piece of alternative film criticism by Rob Bricken when it was originally published at This Link in April of 2013:

A curious movie watcher [asks]:

I realize that you may not be answer this question in the same way that ladies and gay men would be, but in your professional opinion as a nerd and movie watcher, which had the greater visual impact in their respective films: David Bowie’s pants in Labyrinth, or Sting’s eagle (?) shaped codpiece in the Dune movie? In both cases, I felt strongly that their respective directors filmed them in such as way as to convince me that they were completely independent, possibly sentient entities. If so, do you think they should have also received separate acknowledgement during the end credits in their films?

Well, you’re right in that I might have a different answer than some, so consider this my opinion, and nothing more: I say the Bowie Bulge in Labyrinth had more visual impact than Sting’s Stinger in Dune, and here’s why:

Sting Dune 1984

First of all, Sting’s underwear in Dune — while winged and containing a massive bulge — doesn’t really show off a lot of detail. Obviously, Sting’s packing something down there, but the underpants themselves cover a volume of space, which Sting’s junk could be contained with room to spare, or fill to the brim. The underpants are solid and opaque, so there’s no way to know for sure.

Meanwhile, Bowie is wearing tights in Labyrinth that show off his Diamond Dog in stunning detail, so we know it’s enormous. It might — might — be smaller than Sting’s package if it truly maxes out its container, but I say the visual proof of Bowie’s gargantuan batch beats Sting’s potential.

But that’s not all; Sting is only in his skivvies for one scene in Dune, while Bowie is strutting around in his Pants Magic Pants for almost the entirety of Labyrinth. More importantly, the way Lynch made Dune, the film — well, Sting’s near-naked duel makes sense, visually and conceptually, within the film’s style. It has a visual impact, but it’s an impact on par with things like the Sandworms and Baron Harkonnen and all that.

Meanwhile, Bowie’s package is the sexual tyrannosaurus hiding in plain sight in what is supposedly a fun kids’ fantasy-adventure movie. While technically more subtle, this half-hearted attempt to hide it is like trying to hide an elephant in your closet — it just makes the elephant a lot more obvious. And most importantly, remember, Labyrinth is about a teenage girl trying to rescue her baby brother from goblins — and the fact that the Goblin King has a massive, massive dick adds this weird, omnipresent sexuality to the entire movie, which I’m not 100% sure wasn’t included on purpose. I say Bowie’s bulge definitely had the bigger impact (so to speak). Also, I am 99% sure Bowie’s penis has its own SAG card.

Should I mention that “Postal Apocalypse” is my favorite thing I do at io9, or does the fact that I got to write 300 words about David Bowie’s crotch in Labyrinth make it go without saying?

Peter Berlin, Wanted at ClampArt

Peter Berlin Shirtless
Photos By Gail

ClampArt Gallery is currently hosting an exhibit of homo-erotic self-portraits from the ’70s and ’80s by the infamous gay icon, Peter Berlin. The reason there are only two photos in this post is because these were two of the few in which Berlin’s very impressive junk is not fully on display.  Here is a bit of background on the photographer and model: in his 20s, Berlin worked as a celebrity portraitist for German television. Around this time, that he  began designing and sewing his own skin-tight clothing, which he would wear as he cruised the parks and train stations in Berlin, Rome, Paris, New York, and San Francisco.

Self Portrait in Black Leather
Self Portrait in Black Leather

After several long-term stays on the East Coast, Peter Berlin eventually moved to San Francisco in 1969, and became a fixture on the  streets with his signature look. He soon began producing films and starred in the now iconic Nights in Black Leather (1973), co-directed by Richard Abel. Berlin then produced, directed, and starred in That Boy the following year, and made four shorter films through the mid- to late-1970s, while publishing and selling his photographic self portraits. Peter Berlin was the subject of several Robert Mapplethorpe photographs, three drawings by Tom of Finland, and at least one portrait by Andy Warhol, attesting to his worldwide celebrity.

Still alive and well at age 73, Berlin was truly a vision to behold in his youth. If homoeroticism in your thing, don’t miss this exhibit. Alternatively if you are  into leather and the work it goes there will be a few big leather critics there, they review the top industrial sewing machines that can also be used to sew leather.

Peter Berlin’s Wanted will be on Exhibit Through October 10th, 2015 at ClampArt, Located at 531 West 25th Street, Ground Floor, in the Chelsea Gallery District.

Peter Berlin Signage

Yes, It Exists: Amazon River Dolphin Blowhole Sex

Amazon River Dolphin Blowhole Sex
All Photos By Gail

NYC’s very-fun-to-visit Museum of Sex has an entire gallery dedicated to a exhibit entitled The Sex Lives of Animals. It is, to say the least, quite enlightening. Aside from an informative kiosk on “Homosexual Necrophilia in Mallard Ducks” (I can’t believe I just typed that), one of the more bizarre exhibits represents an activity that Amazon River Dolphins apparently find time to enjoy, which is banging another Dolphin’s blowhole. You can’t get make this stuff up. Let’s take a closer look.

Amazon River Dolphin Blowhole Sex

Oh look, here they are swimming gracefully along side each other when suddenly…

Amazon River Dolphin Blowhole Sex

The peen quite clearly goes into the blowhole! Convenient!

P1110331

See it up close for yourself at the Museum of Sex, located at 233 Fifth Avenue, Corner of 27th Street, New York, NY 10016.

Pink Thing of The Day: Pink Phallus Kiddie Ride

Pink Phallus Kiddie Ride Side View
Photo By Gail

Some of you with very good memories might recall that this photo — taken at André Saraiva’s Andrépolis exhibit at The Hole Gallery — was originally posted here back in the Summer of 2012, but had to be removed from the blog due to complaints by Google Ads, who thought it was endorsing some kind of Adult Toy. I don’t have Google Ads on this blog anymore, so fuck those guys.

Why I Would Want Miley Cyrus to Throw My Bachelorette Party

Miley Cyrus and Crew
Image Source

I think we can all agree that Miley Cyrus could throw the best, most phallic-inspired bachelorette party the world has ever seen.

The girl clearly knows how to party. The majority of her “makeover” since she started trying to shed her Disney image in 2008 has been based on over-the-top blowouts, crazy stage performances, scandalous outfits and tipsy nights out on the town. Combined together, all of these would make for one hell of a bachelorette party.

She’d obviously have no trouble bringing anything that resembled a penis, and I’m guessing she wouldn’t even have to visit a store. Throughout her Bangerz tour, some of Miley’s main props have included an anatomically correct sex doll and a 5-foot-long inflatable penis that she rides and rubs all over herself. And if her Twitter pictures are any indication, her collection of sex toys appears impressive. In that photo, it looks as if she’s holding an item called Belladonna’s Magic Hand, which Adam and Eve describes as being molded from the famous porn star’s hand with “life-like Sil-A-Gel material.” According to a reviewer here, it’s apparently also good for taking out intruders, which means Miley could be the muscle during your night on the town!

Miley Cyrus Tongue
Image Source

Some might think that she only acts like that while she’s on stage or in the public eye and wouldn’t be the same in person. Whether or not it’s an elaborate act to change her image, she’s obviously fully committed to and really enjoys playing the role no matter where she is. She’s even seen as the crazy party girl by others in the industry who would normally see right through such a publicity stunt.

A post on MTV from Jersey Shore star Snooki revealed that other celebrities don’t have much of a different perspective of her. When discussing what she would give out as Christmas presents last year, Snooki said, “I would get [Miley Cyrus] a lot of Christmas presents that involve vibrators and some sex toys and…really hot stripper outfits,” Snooks says in the clip. “Awww, she’s like a sexy guidette Christmas elf!”

Sexy Christmas elf or not, the girl has a flair for the phallus and partying. Made obvious by the birthday party she threw for ex-boyfriend Liam Hemsworth’s 2012, she even already knows where to get a penis cake in my favorite flavor. TMZ snapped pictures of her taking a bite out of the red velvet cake with chocolate frosting.

She also doesn’t seem to be the girl that gets too drunk and ruins the party for everyone else. In fact, she’d probably make sure others didn’t either. Jennifer Lawrence recounted a story in an interview on Late Night with Seth Myers about the time that she and Miley were both at SOMEONE’S Oscars after-party. Lawrence had too much to drink and ended up puking off the front porch. She said, “I was in such bad condition, and I look behind me while I’m puking, and Miley Cyrus is there like, ‘Get it together.’ ”

All this being said, I wouldn’t trust her standing next to me on my wedding day. She would probably try to lick the bouquet or something. But I sure as hell would be confident putting her in charge of a pre-wedding party. She’d probably come up with something more talked about than the wedding, and I’m sure it would be so epic that I wouldn’t mind a bit.

This has been a Guest Post

Furnished by Adam and Even

Sarah Lucas, Nud Nob at Gladstone Gallery

Metalic Gourd
All Photos By Gail

If you enjoy looking at sculptures of dicks and phallus-shaped objects, then have I got an art exhibit for you! Sarah Lucas’s Nud Nob, up now at the Gladstone Gallery, features a series of large-scale bronze and cast-concrete sculptures displayed either on pedestals or installed directly on the gallery floor. Most of them look like penises. Just being serious.

The large sculpture of a gourd or squash, seen above, is perfectly innocent — I mean it’s obviously a vegetable — until you see it being placed in the context of a collection of phallic symbols. And then it just becomes a penis. Likewise, there is large photo on the rear wall of the gallery in which this squash sculpture is displayed that features a chicken carcase contextualized to look so much like a vagina that I couldn’t even bring myself to photograph it. So, maybe don’t bring the kids to this one, is what I’m saying.

Sara Lucas Sculpture

Does this a sculpture depict two people having sex? You be the judge.

Metallic Nob Sculpture

Banana Eating Model and Penis

In this gallery you can see floor to ceiling photos of an attractive model enthusiastically eating a Banana. And, oh yeah, there’s  a huge concrete Penis in the center of the room. Art!

Nud Nob by Sarah Lucas will be on Exhibit Through April 26, 2014 at Gladstone Gallery, Located at 515 West 24th Street, in the Chelsea Gallery District.