Tag Archives: rant

Gail's Radness

Baggage Handlers Destroyed My Suitcase

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Not My Broken Suitcase, But an Incredible Simulation

Baggage (mis)handlers at various airports across the country have finally managed to totally fuck the locks on my very expensive suitcase due to the constant re-opening and incorrect re-closing of my bag, necessitated by the endless “Security checks” that go on when you travel these days and have to check luggage. It was especially exciting when all of my shit fell out onto the rain-soaked pavement as I got into my cab at LaGuardia. Thanks, assholes.

Film and Television, Pop Culture

The Doctors is the Most Retarded Daytime TV Show on the Air

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Are you one of those people who calls in sick to work so you can watch crap-ass Daytime TV? If so, maybe you have seen a talk show called The Doctors, featuring former The Bachelor contestant, Dr. Travis Stork.  Long story short, it’s got a panel of “Medical Experts” trying to keep a straight face while discussing “Hot Button” medical topics. I’ve never really watched the show, because I work for a living, but I’ve seen clips of it on You Tube, and here’s my diagnosis: The Doctors is retarded.

These ‘doctors’ are complete quacks. A week or so ago, they were trying to convince anyone who’s stupid enough to take this show seriously that it is not only actually happening but even possible that women are rampantly inserting tampons soaked with VODKA into their snatch for kicks. Not only is this idea absurd to the point of bordering on urban legend but it’s honestly impossible to do. I mean, unless you’re into fisting yourself or there’s some kind of tiny “tampon shoe horn” type device you’d be using, no way.

Today I saw clip on one of the blogs I read regularly where The Doctors are showing you how to properly wipe your ass. I wish I was making this up. What I want to know is who blew a goat to get this show on the air?

Music, Pop Culture

Radiohead Triumphantly Return to Not Sucking

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My very favorite story about the band Radiohead concerns the time (a few years ago, now) that I emailed their publicist to request a review copy of the band’s new CD (it was OK Computer at the time). This is a common practice between writers and publicists which shouldn’t have met with any reaction other than, “Sure, what address do we send it to?” But that’s not what happened.
Continue reading Radiohead Triumphantly Return to Not Sucking →

Gail's Radness

Karma is a Bitch, And So Am I

Karma Police

I just heard the most hilarious story from a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless to save him from getting his ass kicked for telling me this awesome story! It seems that my friend is out in Pennsylvania this weekend (from his home in LA) with his roommate to attend the wedding of, let’s say “a mutual friend.” Apparently the roommate is not the biggest fan of Barr declared “I’m going to go over there and tear that thing down!” What a total bitch right? It’s so typical of conservative blowhards to try and stifle freedom of expression when it doesn’t exactly align with their own propaganda. Anyway, stay with me because this gets really good. The roommate had been gone for some time and people began to speculate on where she was and why it was taking her so long to commit a simple act of irrational vandalism.

Continue reading Karma is a Bitch, And So Am I →

Gail's Radness

Top Ten Positive Side Effects of Soaring Gas Prices!

High Gas Prices

I think the happiest moment of my life so far happened when I moved to New York City in 1988. Not just because NYC is the Center of the Universe – and that’s where I want to be – but because moving from Southern California meant I could sell my piece of shit car and never drive again! Hurray! But even though I’ve long gone the way of the mass transit whore and my monthly commute is only $83, I’m not really able to enjoy a good, old-fashioned gloating fest. Because when oil prices go up, everything goes to shit. But I like to think positively and look on the bright side of every crappy situation, so I’ve come up with some benefits of high gas prices for your amusement and edification!

  1. Less car exhaust spewing into the air means lower pollution and a cleaner planet!
  2. Reduced noise from honking horns and dicks that think it’s cool to disturb my quality of life by drag racing up and down 14th street! Continue reading Top Ten Positive Side Effects of Soaring Gas Prices! →