10. Well, how about that? I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.
If you are reading this from anywhere near the northeastern part of the United States, or you are one of those people that just likes to follow extreme weather patterns for shits and giggles, then you are likely aware that we are having a bit of a Snowstorm here in New York City just now. I didn’t grow up with snow, so to me, a serious blizzard is still a fun and cool thing. But the truth is that snow freaks people out to the point where they almost lose their minds. You’d think it was a plague of locusts descending from heaven rather than a few flakes of frozen water. I’ve never quite understood what is it about a snowstorm that turns grown men into whimpering pussies, but nevertheless it seems to be so. I mean, it’s weather; what are you going to do about it? Lay down on the ground and cry? Surrender? Do you need your blanket? Jesus god people, IT’S JUST SOME FUCKING SNOW – get a grip.
Here are my Top Ten reasons to defend the awesomeness of what media types are calling the “Snowocalypse.”
1. Let’s face it: snow is gorgeous. In the city, you only have about an hour after the snow stops falling to really get outside and enjoy its breathtaking magnificence before the streets are filled with an ocean of grey slush and every dog in the neighborhood uses the pristine white snow banks as a toilet. So put on your fucking boots and get the fuck outside!
2. The buses are empty. The last time I was on a bus as empty as the one I was on this morning was when I was retarded enough to go in to the office on December 31st.
3. The trains are empty (see above).
4. People bring Dunkin Donuts coffee and baked goods into the office to share. Have you had Dunkin Donuts coffee? It is fucking delicious.
5. If you are very lucky, your boss commutes into Manhattan from South Jersey, so he or she decides to work from home. What a special treat this is.
6. The obnoxious, noisy-ass consultants whose desks are next to yours decide to stay home also, and you can enjoy some peace and quiet for a change. Thank you Jesus!
7. People on the streets are nicer when it snows. Because everybody is like, “Hey, it’s snowing! Let’s put aside our differences and be friends!” Or something.
8. The office will probably close early, because that is only fair to the studs and studettes who were brave enough to come in to work when everyone else is home hiding in the closet.
9. Sometimes people make snowmen, and I enjoy looking at them.
10. I don’t have to shovel it.
Enjoy the Snowpocalypse, everybody!
“I Got Yer Top Ten Right Here”
Everybody with a tongue in their mouth keeps asking me when I am going to post my list of Top Ten Favorite CDs of 2009. I am telling you now that this will not be happening; mostly because I only liked 3 or 4 new CDs released in all of 2009, so that is too few to make a list of ten. Obviously. What I will do however is make a list of my Top Ten Favorite Media Related Things of 2009, which will include not only CD(s) but also TV Shows, Art Exhibits, Movies, Books and other stuff. OK, here we go.
Favorite Documentary: Anvil: The Story of Anvil
Anvil: The Story of Anvil was really my favorite movie of 2009. Sue got it for me on DVD for Christmas, because she rules. Anvil!
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Movie: District 9
District 9 was my favorite movie of the year that was not a documentary. It was really, really good. You should see it.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Art Exhibit: Tim Burton Art Retrospective at MOMA I just blogged about this show a week or so ago, because it was so mind-blowing. If you live in the tri-State area and miss this exhibit you are an idiot.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Live Show: Fiction Plane at the Mercury Lounge
Fiction Plane is a band I saw perform at the Mercury Lounge sometime last summer. Sting’s son Joe is the lead singer/bass player of this band, but don’t hold that against them, because they are a fucking awesome band. I also interviewed their drummer, Pete Wilhoit, for an upcoming feature in Modern Drummer, and he was really cool.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Biographical Book: Fall to Pieces By Mary Forsberg Weiland
I generally remain unmoved when drug addicts write books whining about how their lives turned to shit because of drugs. I did not feel that way about this book.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Coffee Table Book: Queen: The Ultimate Illustrated History of the Crown Kings of Rock
This terrific scrapbook on Queen, my favorite band of my teenage years, makes me wish I actually owned a coffee table so I could proudly display it in my home for all to see.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Non-Reality TV Show: Mad Men
Mad Men is the best TV show ever in the Universe of all time. Period.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Reality TV Show: Top Chef
There should be no breaks between seasons of Top Chef, ever.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite CD: Adam Lambert, For Your Pleasure
Too gay sounding for even Geoffrey – my go-to barometer for all things in the gay spectrum – to handle, it is a testament to how shitty modern music is that this ends up being my favorite CD of the year. Nevertheless, it is a fantastic CD! Adam Lambert! Runners-up for this category include Call from Restricted from ex-Guided By Voices guitarist Doug Gillard, and Smithereen’s drummer Dennis Diken’s Late Music.
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
Favorite Broadway Show: Carrie Fisher’s Wishful Drinking
Even better than the book!
Related Worleygig.com Blog Post Here
OK, I’m Signing Off on These Lists Until 2011!
1. Dick Cheney being water-boarded
2. Bill O’Reilly being fired by FOX News
3. Anna Wintour quitting Vogue to become a hermit
4. Jon & Kate Plus 8: Cancelled!
5. Bravo calls next show The Fake Housewives of…
6. Sarah Palin loses her voice
7. Hillary Clinton cracking Kim Jong-Il in the balls
8. Britney Spears takes her meds, meets a nice man, marries, and lives a peaceful life out of the spotlight
9. Adam Sandler never appears in a film again, ever
10. Brad dumps Angelina to get back with Jen
Are you watching Big Love? Holy shit! Could this season be any more intense? While I’m still weepy from Kathy’s murder and wondering what the fuck happened to Anna, here what they laid on us just last night:
1. Nicki apparently gave up custody of a daughter when she got “unsealed” from her first husband, JJ (who is also Wanda’s brother).
2. Ted is a dick.
3. Cindy is a dick.
4. Hollis and Selma Green (who, let’s be honest, are insanely creepy) kidnapped Cindy and Ted’s adopted daughter, Kim Li.
5. Sarah and Scott are boinking again. I hope they are smart enough to use birth control this time.
6. Joey disowned Bill as his brother.
7. Alby seriously plans to kill his parents.
8. Nicki is under investigation for obstruction of justice for interfering with the witnesses in Roman’s trial.
9. Barb got excommunicated from the Mormon Church.
10. Bill wants a divorce from Nicki.
I love this show!! Stay tuned in for the season finale next Sunday!